Country Wonderland



This story is going to scream PREEEUUUS (aka Prius). My 6ft+ tall muscly full on American male, bought a 15 year old battery & gas operated Prius. This amuses me, my daughter, her best friends and even my brother immensely. It’s cute (okay it’s cute because it’s tiny) but I mean honestly, Jim looks ridiculous driving this thing.

Years ago I would not be caught dead riding in this shithole car. (I know, tell ya how I really feel right?) But fast forward and here I am saying, let’s go to the furthest Wal-Mart at 10pm on a Friday evening because Prius. Because Prius gets 50 miles per gallon. Because Prius allows us to park UP FRONT! Because Prius makes Jim drive less like a freakin’ lunatic (really the world is a better place ‘because Prius). But Prius does not look anything like my Jeep or Silverado. Let’s be real… she ain’t real purdy… she’s dented. She’s rusted. And she’s low riding. But inside – boy o boy – she’s interesting.

There’s a moment for the first ride I thought the damn car died and we didn’t even back out of the driveway. Because Prius was going into ‘Stealth mode’ as Jim says. You know that joke where the woman didn’t know her husband up and left in the middle of the night because he had a Prius and she didn’t hear the car start or move? Totes similar. The Prius works off battery and you literally can’t hear a darn thing. Honestly, where was this car when I needed to help friends in High School and early College years to stalk exes and their new loves? Would have been amazing I tell ya. Okay so the Prius came to life in 2001 when I was 21 but still, it wasn’t something I would have even contemplated owning.

3-5 hours of driving a day for my buff sweetie is the back story to the thousand dollar Prius. You can’t drive a truck with a V8 and be able to eat for the week too. So instead of $150 in gas a week, maybe its $40. Because Prius.

Believe it or not, I actually have a morale to this story… it isn’t always what is on the outside that counts. The inside is where all the good stuff happens. Just because something looks a certain way, doesn’t mean it is a certain way. And I know I called the car a shithole earlier, but she’s not… that was just my initial “can’t believe he’s buying that car” reaction. Now let me go back to ‘Because Prius’.

Because Prius, we have a super ass slow start at the red lights. It is darn near impossible to be first off out there. People pass us but then we pass them. Because Prius slow and steady starts always win out in the end. The sprint of life doesn’t work. A quick sprint here or there is okay, but it’s marathon that keeps on driving forward that wins out. You know – be a better person than you were yesterday? Reigns true my valued readers (all 3 of you).

There’s absolute fun in watching another driver roll up next to Jim in the driver seat and see their face when it isn’t a granny driving – why – because Prius. And it is even MORE fun when Jim has words with said persons because Prius they see a puppy dog. What they don’t know is my man is more resembling of a wolf and a crazy wolf to boot (which is awesome for me because we be a team). It gets fun.

And as soon as Jim pulls in the driveway today I’m going to be ready to go ridin’ along in his automobile. Because Prius saves money, the environment, miles and wear and tear on my trucks. And to be honest, it is fun. So bring it on stealth mode!




Ever notice the real reasons traditions get started? Yea I don’t think about it either. I just do them because it’s the norm. But truly, traditions are interesting.

You have the family traditions which started out as your great (8 times over) grandmother baking a pumpkin pie on thanksgiving and now you do it as well.

It took a genius marketing advertisement by a brilliant person to set off the engagement ring phenomenon. Thanks De Beers. All women love you for the diamond they have and all men curse you because we women know the history but still want the bling anyway. And a CZ just won’t cut it. So suck it up. Society tradition rule… follow De Beers and know that the only way to truly show you love your gal it so ‘put a ring on it’.

And it took one company the idea to kick off the true holiday season with sales the day after thanksgiving to bring their profit margins from red to black. I think this happened in Philly first if I recall it correctly. The shop owner for several years noticed higher foot traffic then usual the day after you stuff yourself and BAM… Black Friday Sales! Whomever this genius was seriously took part in one of the most crazy shopping days of the year. Friends go out together as tradition year after year. They don’t mind waiting in long lines, accidentally on purpose tripping that poor fellow who just hasn’t got the fast moves and is blocking your way from being in and out and onto your way of the next sale.

And then there’s the tradition that baffles me… Sitting on Santa’s lap. I had a photo pop up in my news feed from years ago of my daughter and her friend sitting on the holiday icons lap. Each of the girls had a Santa leg. But why? I naturally consulted the Oracle of Google. Which I didn’t find the answer easily… honestly I gave up reading after 3 articles didn’t have what I wanted. So I put my own brain to use… clearly there isn’t a reason behind it other than “tradition”. What I figured out was it was easiest for little kids to reach the jolly dudes ear. And. Then. It. Stuck. So just like that, I believe it began a pedophile’s dream job. But we won’t talk about that… this is about traditions!

Traditions are awesome. I love them. But I think you should understand why they happen and how. Then pass it on so it isn’t lost in years to come. Traditions give a person something to look forward to. Something to remember. Even something to build upon. Enjoy them. And keep them going!

My first blog

I’m writing a blog. I know, it isn’t that out of the ordinary. Anymore, I’m just following in the footsteps of all the other crazy bloggers. Will mine be any different? Who the hell knows. But I can assure you it’ll be real. Maybe even worth it for you to subscribe and follow me to see the next tidbit of randomness.

I have a puppy who just got his balls chopped off two days ago. I had to do it. There wasn’t another moment I could take watching him ball up a blanket and go at it. For the love of all things soft, he was going to town. Pillows, beds, towels. Whatever he could get his hump on. And now, sudden peace. No more humping. Honestly, I’m just thankful he didn’t go at it with my older male dog. Now that would have likely resulted in a serious relationship break between the two of them. It’s all fun and games until the newly adopted brother tries to butt fuck you.

So it has been a tremendously hump free Thanksgiving. Nothing but a doggie cone and some anti inflammatory medication here. And lots of sleep. I shall sit here and ponder my food comma. I ate too much but that’s required on this thankful day.

I have a life that’s never dull and I enjoy it immensely.

A Website.

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